Shooting for the stars, and assuming that your presentations are 100% works of art, how do we kick this unwelcome intruder into touch?
This issue of self-consciousness comes up a lot during our coaching sessions- particularly with regards to public speaking. Placed under the microscope of an audience’s attention, people get so wrapped up in themselves: what they look like; how they move; what their arms are doing; what their voice sounds like; whether or not they come across as confident or authoritative etc. etc.
This unhealthy level of self-orientation makes it extremely difficult to maintain any kind of connection with the audience- let alone build trust, influence or inspire- the very reasons to speak in the first place.
What always springs to mind, in response, is a phrase that was often used during my training as an actor: “Leave yourself alone.”
Let’s pick this apart.
To set the scene (no pun intended): If I was so engrossed with my character’s voice, their walk, their physicality, their shadow moves, the animal work that I’d done or any other ridiculous (yet totally relevant…oh I went in deep!) exercises that I did during my preparation, then I wouldn’t be present, connecting and affecting the other people in the scene or the audience.
It’s also rather dull for everyone involved.
Leave yourself alone. Trust your preparation and leave your homework at the door.
This phrase is just as relevant to you when you come to present. Leave yourself alone and focus on your audience. The lower your level of self-orientation, the greater the level of trust you will build. (Take a look at our article on the Trust Equation where we delve into this in more depth.)
Easier said than done, I know.
What will really help, here, is having a greater sense of mission or purpose -having absolute clarity over your reason to speak, and addressing the audience’s needs. Ultimately, an audience wants to know what’s in it for them. They’re not interested in you and your hang-ups. They’ll only start focusing on you specifically if you’re not “congruent.”
According to research by Albert Mehrabian, if our words, tone and body language are not pulling in the same direction ie. If we’re not backing up what we say with how we say it, then the impact of communication breaks down as follows:
Body Language: 55%
This is when we are not “congruent.” People pay more attention to our tone of voice and our body language than what we’re saying. That’s a shame.
When we’re congruent, and our thoughts, words, tone and body language are all in sync, people just hear your message. You almost become invisible. This is great communication. You and your ego get out of the way of the all-important message that you want to deliver to your audience.
The stronger our sense of audience-focused purpose, the easier that this becomes and the more congruent we’ll be. Everything is subservient to our message and the audience.
Be generous and spend some time addressing your audience’s needs. After all, it’s their time, not your time. If your ego is struggling with that (I get it, we all want to deliver a great presentation and be considered an excellent public speaker- that doesn’t make you a monster!) worry not! By dropping this focus on you and your presentational prowess, and focusing on your audience, the feedback will take care of itself. I promise.
If you’re not quite sure why you’re presenting, then of course you’ll feel a bit lost. These are perfect conditions for self-consciousness to ripen.
I fell deep into its clutches the first time that my fiancee’s mum came to watch me in action on the fringe at the Lord Stanley Theatre in Camden. So consumed was I by what she thought of me, that I was utterly lost to the play, its story, my colleagues on stage, and what on earth I was doing there- not very generous, and completely self-oriented.
“Serve the story.” My course director’s words ring in my ears. He’s not wrong. As a presenter, you’re there to serve your audience. Put your ego aside.
So, before you present next time, or even better, before you even set out to create your material, ask yourself: What’s my objective? How do I want to affect my audience? Be strict with yourself. Be as precise and succinct as possible. As a general rule, the stronger the objective, the better. Don’t be afraid to be bold.
This strong sense of purpose will leave there very little room for self-consciousness. You’re just not that important. So, do us all a favour and leave yourself alone.
From Our Clients
The Speakers’ Gym is like the iPhone. You don’t realise you need it until you have it, and then you can’t live without it.
Magda Gonzalez, Group CFO, Monex Europe
It was completely practical and the open-forum feedback was so valuable. You created a safe environment for everyone to learn. Thank you!
Nicola Koronka, Co-Founder and Managing Partner, Missive
I was recommended by a friend who works in the same sector to contact The Speakers’ Gym to help me with my presentation delivery skills and I have not been disappointed with the results. Chris and Jonny work with you to provide bespoke training for your goals and needs. They are highly professional and make you feel at ease from the first minute the first session begins. I would highly recommend them to those who have a role which involves public speaking!
Julia Peake,Technical Development Manager, Sanlam
It has challenged both my thinking and approach and I will be sure to keep The Speakers’ Gym ‘fireworks’ readily available on my desk to refer to when not only presenting but also when needed through everyday management.
Liz Paradine – Chief Operations Manager - 7iM
Transact first engaged with The Speaker Gym late in 2018 where Chris & Jonny made a concerted effort to get under the skin of our business and understand how they could best help us hone our presentational and empathetic skills. The resulting sessions were hugely helpful giving my team plenty of opportunity to practice and also benefit from a great deal of feedback, not just from Chris & Jonny but by including the rest of the Transact team in the feedback and group learning too. I would highly recommend The Speakers Gym
Glen Sweet, Head of Sales, Transact
Working with The Speakers’ Gym has been fantastic. We knew what we wanted to say and who we wanted to speak to, so all we needed was technique. Or so we thought. Chris and Jonny helped us to understand the key elements of communication, through a structured process. We now think about communication in a completely different way. There’s a line they gave us that now resonates in my head, every time I write or talk to someone about what we do. We feel we’ve met two great guys and they’ve become an important part of us, our story and how we tell it to others.
Thomas Skinner, Founder, Barnaby Cecil Financial Planning
The impact of The Speakers’ Gym™ at Mako can only be described as transformational. Over a three month period, they helped transition a group of individuals into a highly collaborative and consultative leadership team. Chris and Jonny have a unique ability to connect individuals with their true purpose, driving them towards self-reflection and ultimately growth. Overall the entire experience of working with them has been a pleasure and I am deeply grateful for their impact. They more than surpassed my expectations and I look forward to working with them again in the future!
Trystan Morgan-Schauer, CEO, Mako
We engaged The Speakers’ Gym to provide us with clarity and direction in the look, feel and messaging of the Worldmaker brand in preparation for our official launch. From start to finish, the process has been truly collaborative. They worked with the expertise and experience in our team to create branding that truly represents who we are and what we represent, whilst moving us into a more modern, expressive space – which was our desire. We know that we’re in great hands with The Speakers’ Gym. We’ll certainly be continuing to work with them
Mollie Marti, CEO, Worldmaker International
They first took the time to understand our brief and delivered the programme incorporating our culture and brand throughout. They were thought provoking and their unique techniques very well received.
Mairi Cameron, Learning Manager, Nucleus Financial
The Speakers’ Gym gave me the skills and confidence to be my normal self whilst speaking and facilitating. They took the anxiety out of public speaking and gave me practical tools to prepare for and manage public engagements. They also helped me to engage more meaningfully with my clients, for which I am thankful. Highly recommend them.
Matthew Marais, Director, Vertus Capital
I found the sessions to be a revelation, and I wish I had known some of the techniques sooner. It has completely changed my mindset and focused me in on the needs of the audience. With that, the ability to achieve those aspirations has come more naturally. There is always room for improvement, and I will definitely be revisiting The Speakers’ Gym for a refresher from time to time.
Kelly Devlin, Wealth Management Consultant - St. James’s Place Wealth Management